Failing

I am not writing weekly on this blog.  I think I need to figure out why I am not doing something I claimed I want to do and then come up with a deal that I can make with myself.

Is part of it the fact that I know nobody is reading this?  That could be a part of it. We all derive some pleasure from sharing aspects of ourselves.  But if nobody is reading my thoughts then they feel like I shouldn't have even bothered.  

I guess that's why I had no problem making time for long posts on Facebook - I know someone would read what I had to say.  Unfortunately FB became a rather unfun place.  I hate the word "toxic" because of how cliched it has become but I have yet to come up with a better word to describe how I feel when I make the mistake of checking in on how people I care about are doing.  

So what do I need to do to get myself here?  I need to negotiate and set an achievable goal.  Off the top of my head I think writing here once a week is achievable.  I can write here friday evenings.  I'm more likely to do it when I have finished teaching than I am on a Sunday night.  

This isn't to say that I am unhappy with myself.  I have been holding to my plan for daily writing.  Right now I have about 10,000 words.  I think I will be able to achieve my goal of 100,000 words completed for a novel by my birthday.  

That is my big goal for 2022 - write my first novel.  Then over the summer I will work on making it the best possible version of the novel that I can make it.  I would be lying if I said I don't care if people buy it but to some extent that is true.  I do think that the best reward for completing my writing to is get to write better.  The reward for doing anything well is the opportunity to do more of it.